Food Relationships

Food is therapy. Food is entertainment. Food is control. Food is a best friend. Food is self-medication.

It is time to explore the relationship between what you eat and how you feel

Tough topic here. Your relationship with food can reveal so much about yourself, if not everything. Many of us do not want to look that deeply inside of ourselves. Your relationship with food should be joyful. If it isn’t, we have work to do.

I work with three types of clients that struggle with their relationship to food. What type are you?

The Restrictor

· You restrict food and/or create food rules
· You have difficulty saying “yes”
· You fear excess
· Your goal is to learn to say “yes” more often

The Binger

· You binge on foods and/or eat mindlessly
· You have difficulty saying “no”
· You fear deprivation
· Your goal is to learn to say “no” more often

The Restrictor & Binger

· You swing back and forth between “yes” and “no” at the wrong times
· You fear excess
· You fear deprivation
· Your goal is to learn to find a balance and to say “yes” and/or “no” at the right times

I ask my clients,
"Why do you eat?
What do you feel?"

Do you know how much food your body needs?

ALL the types above are out of balance with what their bodies want, and they are not in touch with what their body needs. When you lose touch with your needs and wants, you can’t sense when your body has had enough of anything. You can’t determine for yourself if it is too much food or not enough food at each meal and snack.

Do you rely on internal or external cues to eat?

If you have tuned out your internal cues for hunger and fullness, you will need external factors to tell you exactly how much to eat. You have likely turned to Instagram, TicTok, or various diets to help you. You want to know portion sizes, calories, grams, etc. You might even find yourself needing someone else’s approval or disapproval.

You might ask yourself why do you do this? It is likely because you learned to do this at a very early age. As a child you may have experienced an adult telling you how much to eat based on what they thought. This would have taught you to disregard your internal cues and instead listen to something outside of yourself. Overriding your internal cues at such a young age likely followed you into your adult life. Looking externally for answers or validation can also stem into other areas in your life. Are you giving too much or giving too little in your life? Are you working too much, or do you stop when it is best for you? Finding the right balance and saying yes or no at the right times is dependent on how well you listen to your body.

Can you identify your emotions?

Difficulty identifying internal cues makes it difficult to identify your emotions too. Any sort of disconnection from who you are creates conflict and negative emotion. When this negative emotion arises, do you know how to identify it or what to do with that emotion? Not only do so many of my clients struggle with internal cues for feeding themselves, but they also use food as a coping mechanism for distress. They look to food to manage their problems, feelings, and fears.

I tell my clients,

If you really want to have a better relationship with food, you will need to make a daily commitment to find peace by separating yourself from your thoughts and get connected with your inner being.

Recognize Your Thoughts as Just Thoughts

Thoughts are just thoughts, you can’t stop them from coming in, but believing every thought as the utmost truth is usually where the problem starts. This is all your choice.

Scan Your Body to Feel the Physical Response to Your Thoughts

This may show up as clenched fists, clenched jaw, heart racing, stomach hurting, tense muscles, tightness, and shallow breathing. It takes 90 seconds to clear the chemicals that are released into your blood steam following a stress response. If you keep feeling these physical symptoms it is because you continue to believe the thoughts causing the response.

Identify The Emotion You Are Feeling

Attach an emotion to the body response to bridge the gap between the thought and the body feeling. If your heart is racing, you may say “I feel nervous”. Use The Feelings Wheel to help you identify what you are feeling. Addressing the feeling takes away some of its power over you.

What Did I Learn From My Experience?

How can I change habits moving forward? How can I stay connected and grounded? How can I stay accountable to myself? How can I tap into my internal guidance system? What other behavior can I put in the place of eating? What healthy coping mechanism can I use to soothe myself other than food?

Go Back to the Thought That Led You Here

What is the thought that has me feeling this way?
What am I telling myself?
What am I choosing to believe about myself or the circumstance?
Is this thought even true?
Does this thought make me feel bad?
Am I giving myself compassion?
Where did this thought come from?
Did I learn this thought from my parents? Is this an ego-based thought? Fear-based thought?
Does this thought align with my inner-being’s thoughts?
Does it align with what I want for myself in the big picture?

Get More Help & Use the Tools

I personally practice listening to my internal cues as well as identifying my emotions. For me, my food intake was a direct reflection of my emotional state. The hardest part is making that connection and then choosing a healthier coping mechanism. I have been so blessed to have met people along my own journey that have helped me immensely. I highly recommend you make an appointment with my Healing Partners and use the tools they provide you.

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